Before the Words Come: The Skills that Make Communication Possible

Before words emerge, deeper skills are at work. This article explores the foundations that make communication possible.

What if the most important parts of communication happen before a child speaks? This reflection explores the often-overlooked skills that quietly shape a child’s ability to express themselves—emotional regulation, attention, ideation, and more. For parents and professionals navigating speech delays or scripted language, this article offers a compassionate lens on what’s unfolding beneath the surface—and how we can support true communication to emerge.

The space before spoken language can feel uncertain.

Parents often long for words as a sign of progress. Professionals may focus on expressive milestones. It can be easy to think that speech is the signal that everything is on track.

But before words come, there is something deeper happening.

As a pediatric SLP specializing in preverbal and emerging communicators, I have come to deeply respect the richness of this early stage. When we slow down and attune to what’s unfolding beneath the surface, we discover foundational skills that quietly prepare a child not only for speech—but for learning, connection, and emotional regulation throughout life.

The skills I most often support in this early stage include emotional regulation, attention span, social interaction, ideation, cognitive flexibility, and problem-solving. These capacities don’t often show up on milestone charts—but they form the soil from which communication grows.

Emotional Regulation

A calm, alert nervous system is a system that can learn.

When a child is overwhelmed, in fight-or-flight, or shut down, their energy is directed toward surviving—not communicating. In contrast, a regulated state opens the door for connection, learning, and expressive growth.

One of the simplest yet most powerful ways to support regulation is through co-regulation. When we attune to a child’s cues, slow our rhythm, and offer steadiness, their system begins to settle. This capacity to stay emotionally present—while moving through relational or sensory stress—is foundational to language and feeding readiness.

Attention Span

Attention isn’t built through drills. It’s built through relationship.

Turn-taking in play, back-and-forth vocalizations, eye gaze, shared delight—these are the moments that expand a child’s ability to stay present. When attention is nurtured through joyful, reciprocal interaction, it strengthens memory, imitation, and expressive learning.

If a child frequently forgets skills or seems to learn one thing only to lose another, it may not be a cognitive issue—it may be that their attention system was never fully supported in early development.

Social Interaction

The ability to notice and respond to another person is a developmental treasure—and a prerequisite for meaningful communication.

We are wired to learn through imitation. But imitation requires noticing. And noticing requires safety, regulation, and relational presence. When a child struggles to respond to others or seems “in their own world,” it may be that their system hasn’t yet built the capacity to take in social information without becoming overwhelmed.

Supporting social interaction at its root—not by forcing eye contact or scripted responses, but by building safety and reciprocity—creates the conditions for communication to arise.

Ideation

Before a child speaks, they need something to say.

Ideation is the capacity to form an internal idea—and it’s what gives language its meaning. Without it, words become rote, scripted, or disconnected from emotion.

Many children labeled as “unmotivated” or “lazy” are actually struggling with ideation. When we support curiosity, relational safety, and play, we begin to see the spark of internal ideas—and with them, the desire to share.

Cognitive Flexibility

Cognitive flexibility is the ability to adapt—to shift perspective, try something new, or respond to the unexpected. It’s what allows a child to revise a speech sound, try a new food, or accept help during frustration.

When a child lacks flexibility, they may seem rigid, reactive, or emotionally volatile. Underneath is often a nervous system doing its best to protect itself from perceived chaos.

Flexibility grows when the environment is safe, rhythms are predictable, and the child is supported through—not rushed past—moments of transition or challenge.

Problem Solving

Problem solving weaves all of these capacities together.

When a child has ideas, attention, emotional regulation, and flexibility, they can begin to explore solutions: how to stack blocks differently, how to imitate a word, how to reach a preferred food.

These small moments of problem solving are the foundation of independent learning.

Without them, a child may appear avoidant, shut down, or reactive—not because they’re unwilling, but because they don’t yet have the internal scaffolding to stay with a challenge.

Final Reflection

If your child isn’t yet speaking, or is using words without meaningful communication, it may be time to look beneath the surface. These foundational cognitive and relational skills are not just developmental luxuries—they are essential for speech, language, and learning to unfold with ease.

When we support these root-level capacities, we’re not just helping a child speak. We’re helping them feel safe enough to connect, explore, and express who they are.